20120823

Letter

Hey, its been a while

Better like this, I guess that's how I can express myself better lately. I was watching something and remembered you. No special reason at all, just some time ago we used to speak more and at some point became a little bit closer. You mocked me sometimes for that, but that was/is your nature, I guess. Mine too, every now and then, is  to laugh and joke and leave.

Love, you know, why else we would write? I guess it's all true, like the fake Hemingway from "Midnight in Paris" said 'If a story is not true is not good' or something like that. Did the true Hemingway said that? I never read him, I confess, I am trying to catch up with a lot of classics recently. Catcher In The Rye, Heart of Darkness, Great Expectations... stuff I never read and now I know why is so good. But it is an acquired taste... 

So, the thing is that life is short, I realized that. It can really be. The long moments of boredom do not stretch the length of it, neither do the happy moments that flash before our eyes, like the ones we shared several years ago. That lead me to think a bit more ahead of myself and start to question my moral values - in love for instance.

In fact, I had several adventures recently and I wanna tell you because one day we talked about that. Proud of being good (on that time at least), of let the years pass by even if there is some bullshit unsolved or that never will. That is not what I want anymore. Ain't me to get shit from no one. At least no more. That's what scares me.

What we become is the sum of our environment and our choices. I guess I am not really in the best place to be good, or I have no wish to be good in the sense that I don't wanna restrict myself because of no one. Like I did before, but before I had a lot of guilty to deal with and that was fruit of a lot of resentment. 

By now you probably got the entire picture. So I don't need to go in details, not with you at least. Something I like about you is exactly that. We can leave the details for the less fertile minds or for our writing time. I guess people call that insights, no?

Whatever, I just wanted to talk to someone about it.

One had blue sapphire eyes, deep and sad,
It was a wonderful night and a next day terribly bad.

One was due long ago and it finally happened.
 I felt like a king but she probably regret...

One is not over and did not start.
 But we sneak between these two, hiding from the lights.

Another one is Christmas past and now sing in another chorus
 I am happy for her cause she brings me no worries.

I am not bragging, I'm just saying... Maybe I am no good. I have my reasons though. Lots of resentment, lots of things not happening and life itself begging to be decided, stabilized, put on a railroad where it can flow.

This is not my home, never will be. But there are other places... Paris, London, Firenze, Madrid... I just wanna go home, but anywhere but here can be my home, anywhere else. Home, the actual one too, my little place that I so much love, that I so much miss, with the people that I miss even more.

Things were easier, I was simpler. You said you didn't change, but I know you did. What I know that didn't change is your knowledge and the shared insights. So I write to you because I know you won't judge or put words in my mouth. That you will read this and see the double meaning of what actually it is. You have the language and the brains. That I have to admit.

Miss you, in a totally not homo way. Maybe a bit, haha.

All the best, see you sometime in the future

Nenhum comentário: